Interview: Dana Stirling on the creation of her photobook, ‘Why Am I Sad’, and how mental health factors into her work.
How did ‘Why Am I Sad’ come to be and how long has it been in the works?
The journey truly began when I was still in my MFA program but only developed more seriously later on. At that time, my anxiety was through the roof due to the immigration process. On top of that, my struggle to photograph added layers to my stress. I was passionate about photography, but my depression was a significant barrier, preventing me from creating as much as I wanted.
In 2019, we were invited to participate in Photolucida as reviewers for Float Photo Magazine. It was my first trip to the West Coast, and it turned out to be an incredibly inspiring experience. Meeting remarkable artists and engaging in conversations with them reignited my creativity. The West Coast itself was breathtaking—so different from what I had known of the U.S. until then. It was unique, refreshing, and an invigorating change of scenery.
Despite the inspiration, I was still grappling with my anxiety about not photographing enough, which paradoxically made it even harder to do so. While driving down the coast, I spotted a stunning bush of purple flowers with a bright red reflector nestled within. The scene was mesmerizing, and it was the first time I had seen such flowers (that I later learned was called Pride of Madeira). I felt compelled to capture that moment. That photo became a pivotal point for me; it was a reminder of why I loved photography and a confirmation that I was meant to pursue it.
Even though the struggle continued after that photo, it opened something within me. I decided to embark on a project that delved into these emotions and the complexities I experienced with photography. This project was not just for me to navigate my feelings but also to potentially connect with others who felt the same. Having a “reason” has been instrumental in helping me stay focused and preventing my depression from overshadowing my creative abilities. While I still grapple with these challenges today, this project and the sense of purpose it provided have been immensely beneficial.
What did your creating process look like?
My husband, Yoav Friedlander, who is also an exceptional photographer, and I frequently travel across the U.S., embarking on photo trips together and supporting each other in our craft. My setup is minimalist: a Mamiya RZ 67 with a 110mm lens, Kodak Ektar 100 film, and a tripod. I’ve never been particularly tech-oriented, so I appreciate the simplicity of working with just one lens, one camera, and one type of film. When I see a moment or object I want to photograph, I instinctively know where to position myself—it's become second nature.
Interestingly, I often don’t take many photos. There are trips where I might shoot only one or two rolls of film, or sometimes none at all. For me, it's worse to photograph something I'm not genuinely inspired by and then end up not using it. The photos I capture are typically organic discoveries made during our travels. When I stage images, it’s usually at home, using objects like old photographs, dead butterflies, or toy deer.
How would you describe your personal relationship to photography?
I would describe my relationship with photography as complicated. I use it as a way to communicate with others, but, honestly, it's also a means to communicate with myself. I know not everyone has an inner monologue, but mine runs non-stop, and sometimes the constant chatter becomes overwhelming. Photographing an object allows me to translate that internal noise into a visual form. Thus, photography has always been a coded language for understanding myself while also connecting with others.
As the years passed, photography became a more prominent part of my identity, but it also turned into a burden. The anxiety of not photographing or not photographing enough is something I think about every day. Even when I do get the chance to photograph, there's often an underlying sadness. While photography brings me happiness, pride, and excitement, the melancholy of who I am still seeps into it, making it challenging to navigate at times.
In many ways, photography has saved me, but it also comes with the struggle of the burden of performance. It's a complex relationship, filled with both passion and tension.
How does mental health factor into this body of work?
Mental health and depression are integral to my identity, ever-present companions that walk beside me as I take photos. These elements have profoundly shaped my life, personality, and worldview. In my photographs, the presence of sadness or depression isn't confined to obvious subjects like dead animals, wilted flowers, deflated balloons, or cryptic messages. It also manifests in images that are seemingly pretty, vibrant, and colorful. Sadness can influence us in subtle, multifaceted ways, often concealed behind a facade of normalcy. Like my own hidden sadness, these emotions can be intertwined with moments of happiness.
Photography is not just a medium for capturing moments but a mirror reflecting my internal conversation. The juxtaposition of beauty and melancholy in my work underscores how intertwined these experiences are. Even in the most joyful or colorful scenes, there is an undercurrent of sadness.
This body of work is a testament to my experience, offering a glimpse into the sadness that shapes me daily and sharing a piece of that emotional landscape with others. By sharing these images, I hope to create a space for viewers to reflect on their own emotional journeys and recognize the multifaceted nature of human experience. My photographs are an invitation to see beyond the surface, to explore the hidden depths of emotion, and to find beauty in the complex interplay of light and shadow within our lives.
What made you settle on presenting ‘Why Am I Sad?’ as a book?
I've always had a deep love for photography books. They are an incredible medium for photographers to weave narratives in ways that only a book can. There's something almost magical about how placing two photos side by side can transform their meanings and relationships, creating a dynamic interplay that tells a story beyond the images themselves.
Over the years, I've poured my passion into crafting handmade books and unique objects, even creating a semi-viral rejection letter book using color swatches. My heart truly lies in making books and zines, and now, I'm thrilled to embark on creating my first traditionally printed book. This book is not just a project milestone; it's the realization of a long-held dream to create something that others can enjoy, share, and perhaps even find inspiration in.
My goal is to share my work and my love for the printed book, evoking the same joy and connection I feel when flipping through an artist's book. This endeavor is about more than just showcasing my photography—it's about inviting others into the world I see through my lens, and fostering a shared appreciation for the art of the photobook.
I am thankful for Kehrer Verlag and all the people I am working on this book with there, for believing in my work.
Have you found creating these photographs and the book to be helpful in dealing with the emotions and themes you are exploring within it?
Photography isn't a cure-all solution, but it has always been a steadfast support and crutch for me. Even during times when I felt let down by the photo world or overwhelmed by rejections, photography remained a constant presence. It was always there to help me navigate through those challenging moments, providing solace and a means to process my experiences.
Do you have anything or anyone particular who influences your work?
I love this quarion because it always gives me a chance to mention the photographer who I admire most, Japanese artist Takashi Yasumura. I was shown his book “Domestic Scandals” in my second year of undergrad by my teacher. I was working on a project to document my grandparents home after my grandfather passed away. I was taking photos of little moments that were left behind a childhood home that was important to me. His work spoke volumes to me and it not only inspired me but I think in many ways it helped me understand why I kept gravitating towards still life and why I found that I was able to find deeper meaning in these “random” objects more than I could with people around me. This allowed me to really embrace the medium and follow it in this path. I am forever grateful for his work and his sensibility - it has been a beacon for my work ever since.
How did you decide on the book cover concept with Elisha Zepeda?
I saw Elisha’s work on tiktok and I followed him for a while because I really enjoyed his style, creativity and the way he created the videos.
When making the book and thinking about the cover, I knew pretty early on that I didn’t want to have a photo of mine on the cover. I wanted something that would almost be its own work of art that still would speak volume about the work and the images inside, but was not a photo lifted from within it.
I took a leap of faith and decided to message him and actually never expected to hear back because he is so successful that I didn’t think he would even see it.
But he did, and we hit it right away. I gave him all the samples of books covers I saw in the past that had a more graphic element to it and gave him images from the book as reference and let him do his own thing. I wanted to see how someone else would interpret the book/project.
He gave me a few concepts, but when I saw the turn sticker idea I just knew it was it. It was simple yet so powerful and encapsulated everything the book was talking about. The notion of hiding your sadness and the iconography of the happy face.
I am grateful to have worked with him and that he was able to see the spirit of my work.
Thank you Dana for sharing your work!
You can pre-order and support ‘Why Am I Sad’ here.